Letters To Elijah

Sent from Earth to Heaven

Letters to Elijah was initially written and published on the sixteenth of each month in honor of Elijah's birth day. Unfortunately, writing letters became infrequent and were published on days other than the sixteenths. 

As of July 2018, Letters to Elijah has been continued and published each month. 

These letters consists of the raw and honest thoughts, feelings, and experiences of a Stillbirth Mother. It will include experiences within grief, lost experiences, significant moments that have happened during the past month, and/or special memories. 

Below is a list of links to my past letters, followed by an excerpt:

May 16, 2017
"Dear Elijah, Today, you are 11 months old -- just a month away from the day I gave birth to you! I wonder who and how you would have looked like by now. As I search on google images of 11-month-olds, you would have already been able to sit on your own, stand, maybe even walk and run around!"

June 16, 2017
"Dear Elijah, It brings me great joy and a twinge of sadness that you are now 1-years-old! It has now been one whole year since the day you were born and the day you swiftly made your departure."

July 16, 2017
"Dear Elijah, It still hurts. And when it hurts the most, I hold onto your bear even closer and tighter. I will hold onto it forever and never let it go. I also want to say thank you. You showed me, yet again, something beautiful."

August 16, 2017
"Dear Elijah, A couple weeks ago, you gave me this dream in where I heard your voice. I know it was your voice because I felt it coming from you. And then, this one night, when I was crying and asked you to visit me in my dreams [again]. To my surprise, you gave me a dream, but not of you."
September 17, 2017
"Dear Elijah, This is the third and hopefully, the last time that I rewrite this letter. I have no idea why I am having such a difficult time writing this one. Usually, I always find the right things to say or have something really wonderful to share. This time, it feels different and a bit of a struggle - why?"
October 16, 2017
"Dear Elijah, I am writing this a few days ahead of time. Something's been on my mind a lot or shall I say, it has been a constant thought and worry since you've left."

February 3, 2018
"Dear Elijah, I know that this letter is long overdue; it has been months since I have last written to you. It was my promise to write a letter to you every month on the sixteenth day - the day that means so much to me because it marks another long month without you."

July 25. 2018
"Dear Elijah, I have been wanting to write you this letter, but not sure why or what to write about. It has been five months since I have last written a letter. I have succumbed to the habit of placing the thought of writing letters to you in the back of my mind."

August 14. 2018
"Dear Elijah, I still cannot believe that you're gone. It is now twenty-six months since you have quietly slipped away from me. Sometimes, I question if you were real, was I ever really pregnant with you? Thinking about it now feels more like it was all a dream... and it hurts."

September 16, 2018
"Dear Elijah, When I was walking across the street from school, there was a black butterfly that flew by. It was a black swallowtail and looked like your butterfly, but in a different color. It followed me, fluttering by my left side, until I passed a tree. It made me stop and smile. It flew away, then came back and fluttered in circles around me."

October 13, 2018
"Dear Elijah, I had a dream a few days ago. There was this baby in my dream that I hope was you. I mean... in every dream where a baby appears, I have always hoped it was you."

November 23, 2018
"Dear Elijah, Thanksgiving night turned out to be cold and rainy, and I love it. The rain reminds me of heaven's tears and how heaven is crying with me. Yet, I am grateful that the house was warm with loads of food and lots of family."

December 17, 2018
"Dear Elijah, There was a day I cried and began asking that question I would ask for months after you died: "Why?" Why did you have to die?"

January 27, 2019
"Dear Elijah, I finished reading the book, "The Secret Life of Bees" by Sue Monk Kidd. The story is set in rural and racist South Carolina in the 1960s. It is about a girl named, Lily, who lives with her father on a peach farm. Her mother mysteriously died when she was just 4-years-old."

March 2, 2019
"Dear Elijah, Time is swinging by fast, it is now the month of March. However, my mind is three months ahead. Before I know it, it will be June; the month you were born and died. It will have been three years since you were taken from me and that is a scary thing to think about. I don't know how long I could live while counting the years of your death.
April 23, 2019
"Dear Elijah, I went to Toy Safari today. That store always has the most flashing displays; the front entrance is packed full with all kinds of colorful toys. I walk by that store almost every week or so, but today, I was curious. Today, I decided to take a look inside.

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