Baby Dreams After Loss

September 8, 2017

By Sanda Rathamone
September 8, 2017

Fetus Soap
By Lily Su

"Dreams are the Angel's classroom and we are their students." - Julie-Anne Michael
I am a dreamer - and no - not in the sense of daydreaming or fantasizing, but rather in a sense that dreams have always spoken to me in the most symbolic ways. And I am no ordinary dreamer.

You can say that dreams are sometimes unreliable, unrealistic, and nothing to really look into, because some are. Some dreams are just nonsense or based on some movie we watched before bed.

But what about the dreams that really get to us, the ones that we can't seem to forget or gets us thinking about it the entire day? Those dreams that have us scratching our heads or even looking on the internet or dream dictionaries to figure out what the heck it means - just to put your mind to rest! Yet, looking up dream symbols or internet interpretations might not always be the best place for answers. For some dreams, only you know the answers to what they really mean. And well, I am highly intuitive and encourage everyone to use intuition when logic fails.

Now, those are the kinds of dreams that I am talking about and those are the kinds of dreams I often have - vivid ones. Every now and then, there is always some animal that appears in my dream. I am also a firm believer in dream symbols, spirit animals, signs, and that dreams are a part of exploring spirituality and metaphysics.

Dreams are how spirits, as well as our own spirit, passes on messages that we need to know. 

However, I have had baby dreams since before I became pregnant, when I was pregnant, and surprisingly, after stillbirth. Maybe it was because I have always wanted to become pregnant and struggle with infertility and now loss, but that doesn't explain why I continue to have these very symbolic baby dreams that feels much deeper than wishing for a baby. It was also one of these baby dreams that told me of my stillbirth that I now truly believe that I have a strong connection to my dreamworld and that dreams are powerful! I have even received comments from a few mothers who have also had a dream foretelling their loss.

I have published several blog posts about baby dreams after loss and found them to be special "memories" connected to my loss. Many of these dreams, I feel, are from my son. Some of these dreams actually include him, whereas others, I feel it has something to do with him. Like this one dream I had of a woman who lost her child and her husband who happened to have the same name as my son. Yeah, very vivid and detailed, right? Like, how can I know that? If you have dreams like these, please let me know that I am not alone!

The dream that I wanted to share today was another baby dream - and I must admit that these baby dreams I have are always so peculiar - that is why I remember them. This dream was given to me earlier this morning and had one of my favorite spirit animals - the butterfly.

I was in this room, but all I could remember was how this room was so brightly, but softly lit, as if sunlight was pouring through the blinds. I couldn't see any walls, but knew that there was a ceiling. I was wearing a tank top with my shoulders exposed. 

All of a sudden, this white butterfly appeared and flew to my left shoulder. I was a bit afraid by how close this butterfly came to me, but was shocked that it sat on my shoulder and attached itself to me. I could feel its legs grabbing hold onto my shoulder, so it wouldn't fall or be blown away. Again, I was a bit afraid because I have never felt a butterfly do this. Each time I moved, the butterfly stayed hooked onto me, it moved with me like it was a part of me. 

Yet, I was so excited and wanted and tried to take a photo of this butterfly on my shoulder! But, something else happened. A baby appeared in the palm of my left hand and I looked at it, confused. This baby wasn't exactly a baby, but in the form of a little fetus. It was about the size of a 50 cent coin and curled into a ball like the shape of a truffle. It had normal skin, like the color of my own. I didn't touch it, I just stared at it in my left palm in shock. What is this? Am a pregnant? Was this a miscarriage? Was this my son?? 

But as I kept looking at it, I saw a hint of a face that looked similar to Elijah, but it wasn't. I showed my husband this little thing in my hand and asked if it looked like Elijah. He didn't say anything, but I told him that I was going to go take a pregnancy test to check if I was pregnant, even though this baby was already outside of my body. 

Unfortunately, I never took a test because I was distracted by these beetles on a table with some grass that resembled ladybugs, but I knew they weren't ladybugs. It was like they were trying to imitate a ladybug's spots and colors, but they were a little too big. Again, foolish me tried taking photos of them. 

I forgot all about the butterfly and the baby.

It is said that butterfly visits are spirits of loved ones or messages from a departed loved one's soul and that they are transitioning just fine. White butterflies are definitely associated with spirits from the other side. In waking life, I feel that the white butterfly was Elijah.

Although, the baby... I am still not so sure.

In the dream, I thought I must have had a miscarriage and that this was the baby I miscarried, but it felt alive, looked alive and was "sleeping." I also had this odd feeling that I could somehow put it back inside of me (that must have sounded gross), but I can't deny that this is part of the dream. However, I know that this baby is somehow connected to me and Elijah and that his spirit was there. This butterfly felt like a hand, holding and touching my shoulder, as if it was a relative or someone attached to me.

With love,

More On Dreams: 
* Read the full story about Elijah:

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