Day 29: One Stillbirth Quote That I Love

August 29, 2017

By Sanda Rathamone

Sleeping Baby In A Rose By Catt Kyriacou
30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 29

No matter how many words I try to use to describe my love for you, I can't seem to find the right ones. It was then that I realized that a mother's love is deeper than words.

Last year, Christmas wasn't exactly how I had pictured or wanted it to be. It was because Elijah should have been born near the end of October and that he should have been there for Christmas, celebrating my favorite holiday with us.

Instead, Elijah never had the chance to see Christmas lights as a two-month-old. 

I spent my holiday break trying my best to not grieve too hard. It was heartbreaking that on my favorite holiday, I wouldn't have my son in my arms and that this was the first year that I decided not to put up our small Christmas tree in our bedroom. (I started this as a "tradition" just a few years ago.) That tree is now gone and I'm not sure I would buy another one. 

However, I spent this one night painting something for Elijah. He deserved a Christmas present. I wanted to paint a white Christmas tree with snow, but it turns out that the painting didn't exactly come out the way I had wanted either, there were some "paint boo boos" here and there. Yet, there was something that I wrote on it that really meant a lot to me, it was something I came up with: 

"We were hoping to see you. Instead, we got a tiny glimpse of you." 

The painting also has his hand and footprints taped on it and the ornaments include his birthday, time of birth, due date, length and weight. 

The quote expressed not just how short of a time I was pregnant with him and how we had to quickly meet and say goodbye, but it also expressed his tiny little size. There is just nothing more that I could say about this quote other than that it pretty sums up how we feel - in a gentle way. 

Although, there are many quotes that love about stillbirths, mine is the only one that truly speaks for and from my heart.

And about that Christmas Day, we waited until it was dark to get some hot cocoa and visited Christmas Tree Lane, only to have walked by so many parents with their children. It would have been nice if we had the chance to bring Elijah there.


To read more about my 30 Day Writing Challenge For Stillbirth Mothers, click here.
Please let me know if you would like to join and I will include you in my final thoughts about this writing challenge in a blog post on Aug 31, 2017

Don't forget to hashtag: #30DayWritingChallengeForStillbirthMothers

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