Day 26: My Favorite Ultrasound

August 26, 2017

By Sanda Rathamone

30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 26

The only sounds we know of you is your heartbeat. The sounds we wished we had gotten to also know were your cries, your baby babbles, and your first words.
I love every ultrasound of Elijah because in every scan, we got to see him! It was surreal in seeing that at each ultrasound, he grew bigger and bigger - there was more to see. It's hard to pick a favorite because all of them are my favorite.

However, there is one that I just can't seem to pass up that I feel is my most favored. It is the one of Elijah at 8 weeks.

I know, I know, how early is that and why would I pick this one?

You can't see the lines of his ears like the one at 13 weeks and you can't see his face like the one at 20, but you can see that at just 8 weeks of pregnancy, he is already forming into a little bean of a human. He is actually the size of a raspberry in this ultrasound! And if you can just look a little closer and observe his shape, it is almost as if he is also in the position of an 8, but sideways, like an infinity symbol.

This scan was done on March 21st on my younger sister's birthday. She was actually the very first person in my family that I shared this ultrasound with - not to mention that she was also the first to know about my pregnancy since my first scan at 5 weeks. I hope that seeing her then "new" baby niece or nephew was an awesome 13th birthday present. Because Elijah was going to be the baby that made her an aunt for the very first time.

Another reason why I love this ultrasound was that this was also the very first time my husband and I got to hear his heartbeat and find out our due date. 

Notice all of these first-timers.

At first, I wasn't even sure that what I was hearing was his heartbeat and actually my own. But, until I heard the difference between my heartbeat and his, I was shocked to hear that his heartbeat was rapidly fast! It was at least 2 or 3 times faster than mine because I could hear the shallow steady beat of mine and the steadfast rushing beat of his. It was a sound that we both wish had recorded because now, it's hard to remember exactly the sound of his tiny, but quick little heart.

And like all parents will often say, his heartbeat was music to my ears, even during those scary moments in the hospital on the brink of loss. 

At the time, my due date was difficult to pin point and was temporarily set in early September (but was actually in late October/early November). My periods were irregular - skipped a month - and when I found out I was pregnant, I was two months late, which made it all the more challenging to come up with an estimation. It was weird seeing that in the ultrasound, the computer listed his gestational age at 15 weeks, when he was actually at 8.

Elijah was our "baby bear" and at 8 weeks, he was definitely in the "gummy bear" stage. I mean, I dare you to tell me that he does not look like one of those Haribo gummy bears!

Perhaps, I am so attached to this ultrasound because when I was at 5 weeks, I couldn't see him in the shape of a baby. 3 weeks later, there he was, evolved from this circular bubble form - this ball shape which resembled nothing that looked like a baby - into this "gummy bear." It was the ultrasound that I had on both of our screen savers and a photo frame for a long while because I was obsessed with our little baby bear.

It is now tucked safely inside Elijah's photo album in his collection of ultrasounds that never made it past 20 weeks.

To read more about my 30 Day Writing Challenge For Stillbirth Mothers, click here.
Please let me know if you would like to join and I will include you in my final thoughts about this writing challenge in a blog post on Aug 31, 2017

Don't forget to hashtag: #30DayWritingChallengeForStillbirthMothers

* Read the full story about Elijah:

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