Day 24: If You Were Alive For One Day, I/We Would Be...

August 24, 2017

By Sanda Rathamone

30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 24

"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."

If you were alive for one day, you would now be 9 almost 10 months old.

My favorite days are on the weekends because during the weekdays, your daddy and I would be busy at work or school. 

 A Saturday morning would start off like this: 

Instead of a ringer from my phone, you are my adorable human alarm clock. You wake up every day at the same time in the early morning, like clockwork -  6 a.m. to be exact. The first thing that you would do after a night's sleep is flipping over in your crib and trying to get out, either crying or making sweet noises, playing with your bear and your toys, letting me know that you are up. And of course, there would be a night light so you wouldn't be too scared when you'd wake.  

If I'm too tired, I would tell your daddy to get you out of the crib so we can cuddle on our crappy king-sized bed or he would be more than happy to be up early with you and tell me to go back to sleep, since the weekends are our days to rest and be with you. But today, I was up with you. 

Your daddy would then wake up from all of your noises and make himself some coffee and I would make myself some mother's tea and one of us would check to change your diaper. If you're hungry, I would nurse you or if daddy wants to, he can warm up some leftover milk in the fridge and excitedly feed you! But this morning, it's your daddy who wants to feed you.

Your daddy would be more than happy to do anything for you. 

After your breakfast, we'd put you in your baby walker or play pen and put on some cartoons, while daddy and I start getting ready for the day. 

This Saturday would be a very sunny day, so this would be a great time to go... fishing!

Before we head to our little trip, I made sure to dress you accordingly. I dressed you in white and khaki colors because I don't want the sun hitting you too hard. A white long-sleeved onesie with khaki shorts and cute little sneakers, topped with a bib and fishing hat that says, "Bass Pro Shops" because we're a Bass Pro Shops family. 

After we're all dressed and prepared, we'd leave by 10 a.m.

Getting you into the car is easy and since you're old enough to entertain yourself with your toys, you're in the back seat on your own and we could see you in the baby mirror, excitedly kicking your feet, babbling like crazy about who knows what, and chewing on your teething toy.

On the 30 minute car ride there, you are eager to get out of your seat. It's like you would hop off if you could because you're such a squirmy little guy. You also drool like a drool monster and that is why I have packed extra clothes and bibs in your diaper bag. You're still unable to walk, but you've outgrown your infant carrier, so in you go into a stroller, which you absolutely hate! You're just too much of an active child in this stage and want to crawl everywhere. You have no interest in staying in one place for too long because you're just so adventurous and on the verge of walking.

Since you're now crying and wanting to get out, your daddy decides to take you out to the water for a little while, until the food is ready. 

I can see you in your daddy's arms and he points at the water, telling you that there is fish in there and that he hopes that one day soon, you will be able to catch your own very first fish. I can see that you are amazed of the view of the water and reach your hand out to point at the ducks swimming around, as if you wanted to grab and hug them. I would check every now and then and I could see you and your daddy going a little further away, looking for any signs of fish. 

After another 10 minutes or so, your daddy comes back and right on time! Because the food would be ready to eat. Too bad that there's nothing on the grill for you and that is why I have packed some homemade baby food from home for you. No doubt your daddy is happy to feed you as well as himself! When we're done eating, we packed the food and tucked it away into the car, while only carrying a cooler, your diaper bag, and pushing your stroller down to the dock.

Your daddy is way too juiced to dip his bait caster into the water. And if only you were old enough to throw a pole... oh, we are patiently waiting for that day.

It's nothing but happy smiles and sometimes, a cool breeze every now and then.

Suddenly, there's a catch and a small baby bass appears on the hook! Your daddy doesn't mind though, because he wants to show you what a fish looks like for the very first time. You, being the curious little critter that you are, look at it with huge eyes, yet, unsure of what to do. Your daddy tries to get closer so you can see it up close, but surprisingly, you're a bit startled! Because it moves and flaps it tail and makes you jump' So, your daddy starts to turn away to throw the fish back into the water, but you weren't done looking at it!! You talk in your little baby babble, asking what it was and we'd tell you over and over again that it was a fish, as if somehow saying it repeatedly would help you say the word 'fish.'

The rest of the day, your daddy and I took turns fishing and playing with you, so that you wouldn't get too antsy about staying in the stroller or in a baby wrap. And then after awhile, it was time to nurse and put you down for a nap. It felt good to be outside, sitting on my purple fishing chair under the afternoon sun, and watching your daddy try to catch us some fresh dinner.

And then, after no such luck - because we never really catch anything there anyway - we decided to go home. It seems that we're all pretty pooped even though it was only just 4 p.m.

I tried my best to get you into your car seat without waking you and luckily, I did! I did it! Because waking you would suck. You hate it when we disturb your naps when you're really tired. You slept all the way home, until daddy was taking you up the stairs to the house. We let grandma and grandpa watch you while we unpack and put things away and they were very happy to see you and watch you hooked on your toys. 

Dinner was ready by 7 and we gave you a bath right after.

You love bath time because bath time meant toys and toys meant loads of fun! You had your favorite boat and fish toys that swim in the water and you just love how they make these bubbling noises and never get tired of it. You also never liked getting out of the bath and we would always have to convince you that bath time is over.

I love it when you're fresh out the bath, you smell like a dream from that wonderful baby shampoo. 

I asked daddy to dress and watch you while I took a shower and he was nothing, but happy to do so. Because spending as much time with you was all that he looked forward to. When I'm out of the shower, it was sweet to see that you and your daddy were in bed watching Happy Feet. It makes you laugh to hear Mubble tapping his penguin feet. Your daddy took his turn to shower and it was time to comfort nurse and get ready for bed.

When your daddy returned, we read you Goodnight Moon and kissed you a million times goodnight. And after awhile, being rocked in your daddy's arms, you fell asleep and put you in your crib, under a blanket that my sister made just for you.

To read more about my 30 Day Writing Challenge For Stillbirth Mothers, click here.
Please let me know if you would like to join and I will include you in my final thoughts about this writing challenge in a blog post on Aug 31, 2017

Don't forget to hashtag: #30DayWritingChallengeForStillbirthMothers

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