Day 22: A Place Where I Have Always Wanted To Take You

August 22, 2017

By Sanda Rathamone

Fisherman's Wharf, Monterey, CA.
30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 22

"Home is where the heart is."
As I reminiscence and think all of the wonderful places I have been to or the places that love, I just couldn't pick one. This is actually the hardest prompt (for myself) so far that I've came up with.

I love Monterey and plan on going back there on a fourth trip some day. That place has the most beautiful blue-green waters and whitest and cleanest sands I have ever seen and hope that in the future, we are able to bring Elijah's little brother or sister there. 

I know that Elijah would have had an awesome time at the aquarium and the beaches. But again, it wasn't until after losing him that I had the chance to visit. So, it's pretty much too recent to say that I have always wanted to bring him there, even though his ashes are spread at one of its beaches. 

It wouldn't be any of the places that my husband and I have gone fishing to numerous of times, even though I have always wanted to see Elijah fishing with his daddy. It just didn't feel like it was the perfect place that I would personally choose for him. 

And it most certainly would not be anywhere local because nothing where I live feels special enough for Elijah... or maybe just myself. Even though there is plenty around here that is just as beautiful as Monterey. 

So, I really thought about this one and realized that I really don't care to bring him to any of these fancy or must-see places. As much as I have wanted to see Elijah in a children's corner at the bookstore or in a high chair at a restaurant or in a baby sling while we go on a little nature walk or making sandcastles at the beach, there's something more that's calling out to me. 

I boiled it down to "home."

I never had the chance to bring Elijah home. I never had the chance to sit in the backseat of the car, next to Elijah in his baby carrier. I never had the chance to see him sleeping in his crib. I never had the chance to carry him around the house or bathe him in our bathtub. 

I never brought him home, so why would any other place be more special than the place that was waiting just for him? 

At home, Elijah would be the one to brighten our day. Elijah would be the one who brightly shines love and innocence to everyone who touches him. At home, Elijah would be a baby in my arms. 

The only place where I have always wanted to see him was home because without him, home isn't here. 

Home is in heaven.

Read about our recent trip to Monterey, here.

To read more about my 30 Day Writing Challenge For Stillbirth Mothers, click here.
Please let me know if you would like to join and I will include you in my final thoughts about this writing challenge in a blog post on Aug 31, 2017

Don't forget to hashtag: #30DayWritingChallengeForStillbirthMothers

* Read the full story about Elijah:

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