Day 21: A Short Poem About You

August 21, 2017

By Sanda Rathamone

30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 21

Is it selfish of me to always think about you? I think twice and realize that, no, it is not. It is ridiculous of me to even think of such a question. I only wish that my words could compare to the beauty I see in you.

Little Heart Tiny Wings 

Tiny lips and a tiny nose
Is that ten or eleven toes? 
If so, I will love you anyway 
Because I will love you everyday

Tiny fingers the size of rice
The unexpected cost of your tiny life 
It makes me cry to see your size
In a blanket so big and wide 

I heard them say you're only "just a little guy"
Who deserved to hear a little lullaby 
Then this woman I never knew 
Sang a song just for you 

It was very sweet and very tender 
Like the day we found out your gender 
You were born with tiny wings 
One of the most beautiful little things 

Heaven gave you to me 
And Heaven is where you will always be
You are my pride and joy 
I love you, I love you, my little boy

- Elijah's Mommy

About The Poem: 

Elijah was born at 20 weeks and 4 days, 10 inches and 9.9 ounces. He was less than a pound or a little more than half a pound! Everything about him was so tiny, like teeny tiny, and his nose was what captured my eyes the most. His nose was smaller than my pinky, but still cute as a button because they were a replica of mine.

Elijah also had what looked like two toe nails on his second toe from his right foot. My husband and I never noticed this until my sister mentioned it. We were shocked to see that, indeed, he did have two toe nails on one toe! We made a little joke about it, but really it doesn't matter much to me. Whether he was to have 10 or 11 toes, I didn't care. Yet, if it was a problem and prevented him from walking, okay, then I'd be worried - not that this even matters anyway.

When the nurses wrapped Elijah in his receiving blanket, it looked more like he was swimming in it. He was too small to be wrapped up and I had wished that there was something better suited for his little size. I also didn't know how to wrap him because he was just so small. (It wasn't until I discovered a small tiny blanket inside of my memory box that I realized that there was.)

At the time of birth, I remember hearing one of the nurses saying, "He's just a little guy!" And when I saw him for the first time, I was surprised that "little" couldn't even describe him, it was more like extremely tiny. The size that I can only compare Elijah to is a banana.

I also could never forget that after being transferred from Labor and Delivery to Antepartum, there was a woman who came to our room. I don't remember her name, but that on her name tag, I believe it said "Spiritual Counselor" or along those lines. She asked to know what our baby's name was and when she heard "Elijah," she said that there was a song about him, the prophet.

She asked if she could sing to him and though this was a bit strange (no one has ever asked me this before), I said okay. And when I heard her voice beginning to sing... it sounded so sad and it made me cry. Although it was in Jewish and I didn't understand it, it was beautiful, but even beautiful is an understatement, it was precious.

While she sang to Elijah, she had this facial expression like a mother or an angel. Maybe I'm just fooling myself and she's really good at singing or acting, but there is no doubt in that I could feel her tenderness through her voice. I felt that she was not only singing to Elijah, but that she was also singing to me.

This was one of the best gifts I was ever given and never thought anyone would do for me or for my son. 

I know that I didn't mention in the poem that there was also another visitor who had asked if we needed a prayer - I believe she was also from the hospital's chapel - but this prayer was also something I felt deep within, like the way the song touched me. I have never felt so much love through a song and prayer than that very day...

When writing this poem, I really wasn't sure of a title or to keep it title-less. But after rereading this poem a few times, I realized that my domain name was the perfect thing I was searching for. The name "Little Heart Tiny Wings" was also inspired by a decal and a pair of wings that I bought for Elijah and his heart necklace, as well as his actual heart and heartbeat.

For such a little heart and tiny wings, he has expanded my own heart and can wrap me in his angel wings.

You can also read a poem written by my younger sister, here

To read more about my 30 Day Writing Challenge For Stillbirth Mothers, click here.
Please let me know if you would like to join and I will include you in my final thoughts about this writing challenge in a blog post on Aug 31, 2017

Don't forget to hashtag: #30DayWritingChallengeForStillbirthMothers

* Read the full story about Elijah:

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