Letters To Elijah: Entry 3

July 15, 2017

By Sanda Rathamone
July 15, 2017

Carmel Beach. Monterey, CA.

You keep me grounded, yet, you show me the mystical and magical side of life. You make me believe that angels truly exist.

"Dear Elijah,

It still hurts. And when it hurts the most, I hold onto your bear even closer and tighter. I will hold onto it forever and never let it go.

I also want to say thank you. You showed me, yet again, something beautiful.

Last week, your daddy and I went to Monterey Bay, a place where I wish we could bring you to enjoy the spectacular views. But you are already there in spirit; it was one of the places where we released your ashes. Our first trip there was when grief was very difficult for me, the second was when we took you with us, and the third was our most recent trip - when your daddy and I were in desperate need of a vacation.

This summer has been very rough on us. We're struggling in health, finances, and even our relationship and marriage. I feel that there are just so many things toppling over and a heavy burden on my shoulders. Not because of grief or infertility, but because life is such a struggle. Yet, you give me hope. You give me signs that fill me with wonder. The thought of you is something that helps me find purpose and the energy to keep going when I want to give up, when I want to runaway, and curse everyone.

But, don't worry, I won't go to the dark side. Because I feel your light. I feel you everywhere and this connection to you is stronger, more stronger than ever before.

Before we went to Monterey, we went on a quick fishing trip. You know how your daddy is, he always finds a way to get a fishing fix. He pointed out a rainbow in the sky. Was that you? :) And when we spent a few days at Monterey, I felt that you were there, just like the past two trips there.

On the first day, I went Luminata, my favorite spiritual shop. That place is magical and attracts me somehow. I could easily stay in there, wondering for an hour or so, and that is exactly what happened that day.

Within that hour, I met the girl working there. I have never seen her before and the times I have gone to Monterey. She was young, around the same age as myself, and had interesting black and red hair and these gentle blueish-green eyes and freckles. Her name is Meriel, something of a unique name, yet, so familiar. She reminded me of the nurse, Marlena, the woman I met at the hospital who also has a son named Elijah. (To read more about Marlena, click here.)

I asked Meriel to help me find something to help me with grief or maybe something about numerology. I was also uncertain of what I was looking for, but I knew that I was supposed to be there. Meriel tried to help me in the best way she could, suggesting calming scents and candles, books. She referred me to this book called Angels In My Hair. The funny thing was, I had already seen that book before she mentioned it. I picked it up, but put it back. Because, again, I didn't know what I was looking for.

It wasn't exactly about grief, but she told me that the book was a very good one. As someone who wasn't so emotional, the book had brought her to tears many times and opened up her heart. The book was about this Irish woman who has this gift to see angels that give her messages and visions, and the tragic loss of her husband. And now, this is even more interesting as I compare her loss to the dream you sent me. (To read more about this dream, click here.)

Anyway, I wasn't going to give in, the girl didn't really sell it to me. I put it back, yet again, couldn't help but be so attracted to it. Like it was calling out to me. So, I remained standing at the shelf where the book was and held it in my hands - flipping back and fourth through the pages. I kept flipping to the same page for some reason and it annoyed me. I was going to put it back - until I happened to flip to Chapter 5 with the title Elijah on it.

It was like you were saying "Hi, Mommy! Get this book!!!"

And it made me giggle, smile, and teary-eyed. You always somehow give me these little significant nudges. I often wonder how do you do that??

I went to the other side of the store and sat on a chair in the corner to read your chapter. It made me cry, because I knew that you were there and trying to show me something. I read the first few pages and learned something interesting about the angel, Elijah. He came to Lorna, the author of the book, when she was very young, and told her of a man that she was going to marry in the future. He told her that she was going to have to take great care of him, because one day, he was going to become very ill and pass away. It was such a sad thing to hear, even from my end.

The angel Elijah reminds me of you, my angel Elijah. You gave me a dream, a vision, similar to that. You showed me that I was not going to be able to care for you. You told me just days before you were going to leave me, that I wasn't going to be your earth mother. But, you also showed me a twin, your twin? I am still mind-boggled by that vision. What does it mean? And, are you that same Elijah, like in Lorna's story? (To read more about this dream, click here.)

Anyway, after reading those pages, this really gave me a boost in my faith of the spirit realm. I told Meriel about what had happened and thanked her for showing me the book. I also said that I saw your numbers all the time. She said that there was no such thing as coincidences, and yes, I knew what she was talking about - synchronicities! She thought it was amazing and powerful that you can communicate with me. I probably opened up her eyes as well. She is a clairaudient intuitive and sees some numbers, too. But, I think showing her my ability made her day.

After she rang up my items, the total happened to be $89.98. I wonder, again, if that was you! Thank you for giving me this message. It was perfect and came at the perfect timing.

I still hope for your return or for you to send a little baby brother or sister. But, I can wait. I have waited so long for you and this long after losing you.

I also bought something from the gift shop at the wharf. I saw it and it made me happy. I also noticed how there are so many symbols of butterflies and rainbows all over that town and I love it. What I purchased was a wood plank with a print of a rainbow on it.

It says, "Advice from a RAINBOW. Live a colorful life. Be an inspiration. Bring unexpected joy. See beauty in life's curves. Be someone to look up to. Live in the moment. Reflect your true nature!" It is now hung on your wall next to your shadow box, hoping that it will bring me a rainbow baby when it is time.

Everything I do is because of you. It is because of you that I keep my feet on the ground and my heart in heaven. I miss you.

Love, Your Mommy.

P.S. Thank you for being a real angel in my life. I have never truly believed in angels, until you came along. Thank you for always holding me in your wings."

Elijah Rathamone-Saeteurn 
Born Thursday, June 16, 2016 
6:51 a.m. 9.9 oz and 10 in 
Due October 30, 2016

To read previous Letters To Elijah, click here.

* Read the full story about Elijah:

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