Words of Love

May 19, 2017


Thank You For Making Grief A Little Less Painful

"I just had a chance to read more of your blog. I always enjoy reading your work. You truly write from the heart and have a gift. Thanks for sharing some of the deepest most personal parts of who you are. When we speak our truths, even when it's hard or painful, we allow others the freedom to do the same. Best."

- Lisa S. (Mental Health Counselor)

"Good Evening, Sanda,

Your loss is so new and fresh. If you had been in a car collision and seriously injured, and lost your ability to walk-- however, with physical therapy you would regain all mobility, more than likely you would not have recovered completely within 2 or 3 months. You have just suffered a tremendous loss -- time will help, but we never quite get over loss of life. We simply get better at handling the loss. Give yourself permission to grieve--to feel the sorrow. That is how you get through. You hurt and feel the loss so much because this pain is the measure of your love.

You are a wonderful, beautiful young lady and you may never know why you suffered this loss. To see pregnant women or newborns, or little boys will no doubt be highly disturbing for a period of time. This is a natural part of the grieving process. You will be able to take this tragedy and help someone else who endures this pain. Your ability to get up, get dressed, return to work--function while at work are all great steps toward recovery and your bright future.

You may not think so, but you have already made amazing strides. I say we have valley moments, desert moments, and mountain moments. When we are in the throes of valley moments, we are so low, it is as if we can't take it any more and we sometimes do many things desperate, destructive things to stop the pain. During desert moments-we are sad and lonely and it seems as if we are alone while desolate. But, guess what???? Life does have mountain moments--when we are so filled with Joy that we are naturally HIGH!!!

The time will come when you will live a whole day and not remember the sharpness of your loss. That is how you know that you have truly entered another phase of your life. That is how you will know that your grief has lessened and you are starting to get relief. It will be time to get on with your purpose! I cannot relieve your pain, but I can encourage you to keep moving forward. It will be worthwhile. You do have a wonderful future ahead. Love and embrace all that you can along the journey. You will experience the privilege and responsibility of becoming a wonderful mother when it is TIME."

 - Yolanda B.

"So beautifully written. I am so sorry for your loss. I would love to read more, as I too, lost a child. We are now raising our rainbow baby. Blessings to you!" 

- Sarah B. (from dotsandplaid.com)

"Hi, I hope you are well. I would like to say, thank you for making your blog. I cannot explain how much it helps mothers like me who are going through similar situations. May God bless you."

- A.

"My sister who's my best friend also went through the same thing after 9 months, she lost him. And he was her 3rd child. It was heartbreaking and devastating for her and for all of us. She has grown a lot stronger from this. I can say from watching her that it takes time, and that with time things will seem and get better for you. I'm intuitive and I also [receive] messages from spirit guides. I feel called to tell you the following: 

You are doing wonderful, you should be proud of yourself, there are so many that you are helping through the healing of your own passion, and for this you shall be blessed. When you are ready, [you] can try [again] and you will give birth to a healthy beautiful baby. Do not worry, your baby that is now in the spiritual [world] is watching over you. He was/is a powerful loving sweet teacher to you and your partner. He will always be there to watch over you. You helped him on his journey and now he is in the spiritual form. Please continue doing what you are doing and take care of yourself. You need [to] love you now more than ever. You didn't do anything wrong, you were and are and will be the perfect mother. Please have faith." 

- Satya.P

"Damn Sanda, I just read your blog and I RESPECT YOU 1000000 Times more!! I'm so sorry about what you went through and what you are going through. Dude you are so brave and I admire you for sharing your story and I know you're for sure helping others!..."

- Rosa C.

"Thank you for the article! (Monday Mourning) Your story is beautiful! I think the fact that you planted that tree is so amazing. You're such a strong woman! Thank you for sharing!" 

- Sarah B. (from aliceandafter.com)

"Hello lovely, Sanda, you posted a collage of messages that you have received, and now knowing you must read them then, I thought to message you. I have wanted to message you on numerous occassions, I have followed you for almost a year now, I want you to know how much of an influence you have had on my life, you give me motivation and light for me to be ME and not letting anyone influence my opinions or decisions but at the same time still respect and be aware of everyone else's thoughts? I pray for you now and then (every night would be lying), at least twice or three times a week, hoping that it would make your grieving the slightest bit easier for you and for your pain to not effect you negatively.

You are truly a beautiful person inside and out and I don't know why bad things happen to good people.. maybe perhaps because you are strong and you can learn from each experience, and from this experience happening to you can now spread the awareness to learn from every experience??!! Ahhh.. I admire your strength and every goddamn post because I read every single one and treat them like it is a bible.

I truly enjoy learning from your posts (Instagram) and I want to say thank you THANK YOU THANK YOUUUU  for making me the person I am today and you make an incredible difference to people's lives... I hope you know how special you are, without even me knowing you properly.

... I will always wish you the best. Lots of love, Danielle (from New Zealand)."

- Danielle J.

"I am so sorry for your loss. I lost a baby also, but I did not have the time to grieve him. I never knew if he was a boy or girl. But, my instinct tells me he was a boy. Now I have a three-year-old daughter. Best thing to heal is time. I still remember the day it all happened. On June 17 was 11 years that I lost him. You are a brave woman. 

... Take all the time you need to grieve your loss. Now you have someone in heaven that loves you deeply. Like you said, you feel him next to you, trust me he is with you. I felt my baby, too. 

...Your body needs to heal, you will know when you are ready. I admired how strong, and brave you are, how you shared your feelings. I never got the chance, till now. It's my secret and I shared it with you. Lots of love for you, take care, eat well, and sleep well." 

- Keiry H. 

"This is needed in the community, Sanda, more than you ever know. Thank you for being a voice."

- Shawanda S.

"I was very scared, when you first told me the news. But your happiness, excitement, made it a little more bearable. I was angry at you the first time at the clinic, when they called you up, and you just got up and walked away quickly, without looking back at me. If you had, you would've seen that I got up too, but you walked away so quickly, I just sat back down. That is forgiven, because I know that you were way too excited to wait any longer. 

The next time, when I got to hear his heartbeat for the first time, my heart melted. I was so happy. The only thing I wish I would've done then, is I wish I would have recorded it. Now, I miss hearing his heartbeat. I miss getting to change his diaper. I miss the chance of getting to wake up in the middle of the night to tend to his crying, because I know you would be too tired, and I want you to rest. I miss kissing him lightly. I miss the idea of him automatically calming down in my arms, after wailing uncontrollably in the arms of his aunts, uncles, and grandparents. I hope that he will return to us, one day. I also miss picking out clothes for him. I miss the time the three of us spent together."

- Yao, Elijah's Daddy.


Elijah 
By, Amy Rathamone Angkham/Elijah's Auntie

I remember a time I cried.
I remember the text from the day she told me she was pregnant.
I remember the butterflies swimming in my stomach.
I remember the excitement flowing through me just as if it was my own blood.

I remember the joy that filled my sisters heart, and the happiness that filled my grey days with color.
I remember the baby blue blanket, pastel yellow moons and bright white stars.
I remember the days and nights planning, sewing and hemming away.
I remember the heart shaped pattern representing my love.

I remember the phone call.
I remember the overwhelming tears clinging to my eyes.
I remember my sisters sad eyes, and seeing her torn apart to see her baby go.
I remember feeling my tears fall, falling down my cheeks like a waterfall.

I remember my heart aching, breaking, and tearing  apart.
I remember the pictures of him, his tiny body and his face barely sculpted to his parents.
I remember his heart, his heart connect closely to my sisters forever.
I remember Elijah.


Thank you for all love and thank you for reading.

With love,


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