The Dream That Foretold My Stillbirth

January 22, 2017

By Sanda Rathamone
January 22, 2017

Updated: August 16, 2017

Photo Source: Unknown

When I was pregnant and before we knew our baby's gender, I had at least a few dreams that we were having a boy. But, one particular dream really surprised me. Though I knew we were only have one, I had a dream that we had twins... twins that didn't look so much alike... 

Some say that dreams are just that - dreams. For me, dreams are messages from the subconscious, intuition, the divine. Dreams are something of a great mystery and if we pay attention to what happens in our dreams, we can unlock knowledge from deep within or from the other side. 

Yes, pregnancy dreams can be unrealistic, such as giving birth to babies with odd limbs or five eyes or some unimaginable monster. However, I have never had a "crazy" pregnancy dream, but one that was something like a premonition, a glimpse into the near future - a future that I was never prepared for.

The Dream: 

I had just given birth to two baby boys - twins! Both wrapped in blue receiving blankets complete with hats to keep their heads warm. Though I was at the hospital and not at home, I was a working mom. After coming back from work, I was happy to see my boys, yet, what made me so confused and upset was to see that only one of the twins was a perfect newborn baby.

He was healthy, the right size, and breastfed fine.

The other, was a small, fragile baby. He was much smaller, at least 2 or 3 times smaller, than the healthy baby, and seemed to be sickly and underdeveloped. He had tubes in his nose that extended around his head and he did not want to breastfeed, he only wanted formula. He never moved, he'd just lay there, lifeless. (It was likely that he was in the NICU, while the other one was ready to go home.) 

My intent was to breastfeed both of them, but being a working mom, I felt as though I had neglected to care for them the way had I planned to. There was nothing I could do to help the smaller baby, but I kept trying to help him as much as I could and felt hopeless seeing that he was helpless. As a mother, I didn't wanted to see my babies like this, even though one of them was perfectly fine..

I felt as though I had to blame myself, as if I had lost one of my babies on my own behalf. There was one healthy baby, but I was utterly disappointed and devastated. 

The dream never showed me if the smaller baby had survived. It left me feeling bereft, lost, defeated, ashamed, unsatisfied. 

Real life: 

I had this dream just a few days before the gender reveal at 20 weeks. Little did I know that just another few days or so after the dream, that I would give birth to small, fragile baby months before my due date. He was healthy and perfect for his gestational size, he didn't have any visual signs of illness.

My 20 week pregnancy never showed any signs of complications either. The only differences between the dream and my stillbirth was that I didn't have twins nor a "normal" sized baby. There were no tubes to keep my son alive and he passed the moment he was born. 

You can call it "mother's intuition" or some unexplained phenomenon or coincidence, but this dream has shown me that my connection to the dreamworld is powerful, magical and something I am not so sure to thank or fear. I have had many foreshadowing and symbolic dreams before, but this one in particular is one of the top few that really struck me. 

Everything I felt in this dream, I still feel today, especially since I am grieving the loss of my son. I feel as though his death was inevitable and couldn't do anything to help him. To this day, I am still in shock and awe that a dream like this would come to me before my loss. 

I do, however, have high hopes that this other twin who was beyond perfect and a child that I was hoping to see at 9 months, will be our next child or the child that is returned, reborn again.  

About the above photo: This is NOT my photo, however, I found this on the web and it happens to be of the exact same description as my dream!

With love,

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  1. Wow. I am so happy you wrote about this. My daughter was recently stillborn on January 12, 2017 while I was 29 weeks pregnant. After it happened, I recounted that a few days before she was born I had a dream that I had two newborn babies.. one was a girl and one was a boy. Though they were supposed to be the same age in the dream, the girl looked extremely premature and fragile, while the boy was a healthy, chubby newborn. At the time I had no idea what the dream meant but after my baby Nuwa's stillbirth I reminded my boyfriend about the dream and it gave us hope that maybe it was reassuring us we'd have a healthy baby boy next time around. I also believe this bc when I was just a few months pregnant I went to a card reader because I was feeling a little unsure about how we'd be financially with a baby on board and she correctly predicted my baby was going to be a girl (before we knew.. except I knew all along through intuition), and then she pulled another card bc I asked her to read into it and she said "you're going to get pregnant again! And this time its showing a boy!" At the time I was shocked because I didn't want to have two children back to back but now I feel like that was another sign of reassurance for my future baby boy. Like you, I am extremely intuitive and trusting of the universe... I wish there was away for us to communicate on a regular basis!

    1. You don't know how happy I am to hear this! Thank YOU so much for sharing and showing me that I am definitely not so alone. I never thought anyone would understand the feeling of this dream other than myself, more over, actually have a similar dream!!! You just made me want to jump with joy. I also do readings, at times I'll get cards signifying pregnancy and new beginnings, however, nothing has showed up... yet. It also sounds like you and I would make great friends. I have links to other social media accounts on this blog or you can just email me. I will remember to add my email on here. Best wishes and hope that you and your boyfriend receive your rainbow baby boy, or girl. The Universe works in mysterious ways.. much love to you and your family. Sanda.

  2. Thank you for sharing this. I also had a dream that I think foretold my son's death. I have always been prescient--I get images/visions of things before something happens. When I was pregnant with my daughter I dreamed that she was a girl and that I never saw her face but just a full head of hair. I also had this fear that my body would not be able to do what it needed to do when she was born. Flash forward to her birth, she became trapped on the way out and so when she came out she wasn't breathing. My midwife told me to just hold her on my chest and talk to her before the paramedics arrived. I never saw her face until much later (it was almost just like my dream) but just this full head of hair. She had to stay in the NICU for nine days but she finally came home. With my sweet boy, I had one dream that he was a boy ) I didn't want to know the sex of my babies) and then black. Like, my dreams were literally pitch black. I remember thinking it a bit weird because I dreamed so much with my daughter. And, that is what that day--August 8, 2016--feels like for me. I also continued to warn my family that "there was no guarantee that this baby would make it." I even asked the doctor if I could induce my son earlier...of course they said no and I had no evidence just that something didn't feel right. I am also very spiritual and I have communicated with my son several times. I know that he is okay wherever he is but it's still hard. He has told me certain things and I am curious to see if they come to fruition.

  3. I am just speechless. That is a powerful story and I appreciate that you have taken the time to read and comment. I told my dream to a few family members and they made me feel as if I was just looking too much into it. However, I am glad that you came by and shown me, yet again, that I am not "crazy" or alone. It's amazing how the spiritual and dream world effects us and time and time again, our intuition will always know what's right. I think it wonderful that you have communicated with your son! My son sends me signs all the time, only I just wish that I can hear him. He always sends me his numbers (times and birth date), butterflies, hummingbirds, and crows, but to hear him tell me something would be an even bigger miracle. Sometimes, I wish he came to me in dreams or send me something through there. I have stopped dreaming about him since he passed.
    I am sorry for your loss and also pray for your health and healing.
    One day, things will happen just as your son told you.

  4. Yes, I am careful about who I tell these things because even close family members don't get it/think I'm crazy. It is so sweet when our children send us messages isn't it? My son visits me when I need him most: I am crying out and feeling as if I simply cannot take it anymore. I hope your son continues to leave you signs that he is still with you. Although they are not here with us in this world, they are definitely out there existing in another universe. I am certain of this. Sending you positive vibes ❤️

  5. I absolutely know how you feel. Some days, I'm just not so sure I can "do it" anymore either. But, I hope that you always feel the encouragement and loving warmth from myself, your angel, and those who truly and deeply care for you. I hope that you never lose faith, good things are coming your way! I pray for the same love you have sent me (I can already feel the healing energy from your comment). Thanks for being the light that you are, it helped make my day. :)


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